“Show me your hand”
I stood stubbornly, my hands clenched tightly behind my back.
“Scar!” She wrenched my arm forward and gasped at the razor. “Again?” She asked in dismay.
“Leave me alone”, I grabbed the razor from her hand, steaming with anger and annoyance.
“That is it. You are going to see Pam, tomorrow.” She turned back and punched in the number. “Can I make an appointment with Ms. Hudson?” She spoke into the phone’s receiver, “Tomorrow—Patient’s name is Scarlet.—3PM will be perfect. Thank you.” She turned to me again, “I thought you were fine.”
I looked down at my fingers fiddling with the sharp, alluring steel edge of the blade.
“Scar”, she called for my attention, “you’ll see her, right?”
“So”, Pam smiled, “here we go again!” She sang it like in the James Blunt song. Pam is fun. That is why I didn’t mind visiting her. “I am given to understand that Gina caught you with a razor, last night.”
“Indeed”, I nodded with a grin.
Pam smiled back, “Why?”
“The usual: Tired of the little people.”
“And, the ‘little people’ would be..?”
“Perverts raping girls, blaming it on them; ‘friends’ deciding if a person is dateable based on his religion; insecure bitches making fun of fat people; jealous losers calling attractive girls ‘slut’, like it is supposed to be a bad thing; and all the while believing that they are all right.”
“But, they are not..?”
“Do you want me to walk out of here?” My eyes narrowed, offended.
“Of course not, sorry”, she looked down at her notepad, “but I will be asking a lot of the same questions. Will that be alright?”
“We’ll see”, I smiled again. Pam must see me as a conceited narcissist. Well, she is a therapist: If she doesn’t, she is no good at her job.
“Why do you think that the actions of others unto others make you want to terminate your life? Did anybody ever judge you along the same lines?”
“Yes! All the time”, I laughed. “Of course, they do! But that is not the problem. Rumours are a beacon of popularity.”
“Then… What is it?”
I looked at the patch of sunlight across the marble office floor, following it to the blue petals of the flowers on the table. “Do you really think that after billions of years, Homo sapiens are the best that evolution could do—that all of the universe came together with such beautiful precision to create life that wages wars for religion; judges others for a boost in self-esteem; destroys everything, EVERYTHING that is of value?” My voice shuddered with rage.
“Evolution is an ongoing process—”
“But I won’t be there!” I shook my head furiously, “I won’t be there at the time of future species! I am here now, and I can’t live, can’t BREATHE knowing that I am sharing my planet with such lowly morons!” My words sped off, “And idiots will always be there. They will always be there, whether it is this species or the next. There is no way to kill them off.Absolutely no way…” I thought of all my nights of despair when I lay awake, thinking…
I looked out of the window. “When they look up at the night sky, do they not think how vast the universe is, and how wondrous the existence of life is? Do they not think why they are here on earth? Do they find that the answer is, to call homosexual people creepy and dark-skinned people ugly?”
Pam sighed and spoke slowly, spelling out each word with perfect diction, “I have said this before and I’ll say it again: People are of various natures. Nothing can ever be perfect. Surround yourself with those who think like you do.”
“Nobody thinks exactly like me! And anyway, every time I somehow restore my faith in the excellence of humanity, I come across another closed-minded dumbass!” I buried my face in my hands. “I can’t do this. I suffocate. It frustrates me! I cannot… I cannot live in a world like this.”
The most intelligent person lives in a world full of idiots. The biggest idiot lives in a world of refined minds.
I looked at the syringe. It had been three weeks since I had stomped out of Pam’s office—Maybe, I should have called and apologised. Eh. What the hell. She must have dealt with bigger nuts than me—and since then, I had found a very lucrative path to death! I must say that I was pretty proud of the idea, too.
My head began to spin and the room spiralled with colours. I was falling, falling, falling… Falling, again! I fell headfirst down a burrow. “Whee!” I screamed in glee!
“Hello, Scar”, greeted The Hatter as I plopped down on the grassy floor in my pretty blue dress.
“Where am I?” I jumped to my feet, dusting myself.
“This is the parallel universe you were hoping for, cupcake! No bigots, no hypocrites, only people with minds as open as windows!” Whispering cautiously, he added, “Minds greater than yours, I daresay.”
“Oh, really?” I hopped with joy. “You are one of them, aren’t you, Captain Jacques Sparrow?”
“Of course, I am! And do you know what happens when an idiot trespasses into this meadow?”
“What?” I asked with a mischievous grin, fully aware of the answer.
The Queen of Hearts descended from the heavens—It was Angelina Jolie in a red and white Elizabethan garb, with her hair neatly done up in a pouf—and shouted, “Off with his head!”
My room zoomed back into view. I was still on my cursed earthly bed. Injecting the drug into my vein, I knew that this would be the last time. Consciously and intently dreaming of my Wonderland, I waited for my body to succumb to the overdose.